That's not Bec

In the last few weeks(months) I've really been trying to improve my mental health ( with thanks to professional help too) and I won't lie, in the beginning, I honestly couldn't see how it could get better. This part of me weighed heavily on the mind, it was something I wanted to bury and never fully admit. I couldn't see how anything would help that but I knew I needed to try something different compared to the first time. Over the last number of weeks (months even), I have tried my best to give myself the acceptance and love that I needed and craved, I have tried hard to be nicer to myself.  My mind has switched (maybe not fully but we are getting there) and instead of filling myself with the negatives, I'm trying to fill myself with the positives. Everyone is so quick to judge and give opinions to each other so why is it so common for us to be so judgemental on ourselves? How often do we tell ourselves we look fat or we look sick? How often do we wince when the fr

For so long I've felt like I needed to hide a part of me. There has been a side of me that I didn't want to show because I used to think it would make me weak. I feared how people would perceive me if they discovered this information. I was ashamed to admit it because then I was telling everyone I was weak but I wasn't, being this vulnerable has actually taken a lot of strength.  I know people's opinions of me will change or be altered after they read this but I want to say that the Bec who began writing this is the same Bec who ends it, you've just found out new information about me.  For years I've felt like I've had to hide, keep a part of me buried and honestly it's been exhausting and I no longer want to do that.  I am Bec. I am 24. I have two sisters. I've been with my favourite human for 5 years.  I have a dog. I used to engage in self-harming behaviour to cope. I used to binge eat and then purge. I still sometimes restrict my food but I am ov

As the world is slowly returning to a new normal, many people are waiting to hear about when we can jump on a plane and lie on a beach with a strawberry daiquiri. We use to travel for escapism, a way to leave our worries behind and get a break from the stresses of everyday life, it's why we all love our holidays and count them down. Now more than ever, we want to escape and get some of that normality but will travel be the stress-free life that we knew before COVID-19? I personally don't think so, everything we are experiencing in our home country, the dream locations for holidays are also experiencing it. Planes will be different, hotels, beaches, restaurants, nightlife and day excursions from cities will all be very different for the foreseeable future.  As we return to our new normal, travel outside of my country has not been an option in my mind and I personally can't envision myself travelling (unless in cases of emergency) until mid to late 2021 at the earliest. When

I have anxiety, and for so long I didn't even realise that is what it was. I had felt like this for as long as I could remember, I assumed everyone felt like this. I assumed it was normal to always feel like this, but thankfully through receiving help and having the right support in place I am beginning to learn it doesn't have to feel like this all the time.  This blog post is dedicated to everything anxiety makes me feel. If you resonate with some of these please consider going to speak to your GP and seek support.  Anxiety for me is: Sweating excessively( hot, cold, it don't matter) Shaking uncontrollable Increased heart rate and chest pains and breathing heavily Stomach pains  Undereating or overeating, it's usually one extreme or the other It's feeling uneasy/anxious/ sick because I have to go somewhere new or busy.  It's waiting to sit in corners or behind people so I won't be 'exposed' People are laughing and talking and I excessively think th

I've tried to write about what's going on in the world, but I don't know where to begin. I don't know what to say and every time I try, I get angry and upset because this is not how the world should be. Disclaimer: I refer to individuals by using the terms "white people" & "black people". I don't mean to offend anyone by using these terms, I only did it for this article, to me, people are people no matter the skin colour. Two babies born at the same time, in the same hospital just rooms apart should have the same fighting chance but they don't and why? Because one has a privilege they didn't even ask for and one has to learn that because of there skin colour they are going to face so many more hardships.  I've seen white people comment that "white privilege" is not a thing but it is. White privilege allows us not to think about our colour and the benefits we get from simply being white. We get to educate ourselves

"That's not Bec"  the voice inside of me screamed, and I retreated back, talked myself back down,  "that's not the Bec everyone knows and wants",  so I ignore the real Bec in fear of being judged, perplexed by the constant feeling that anything I say or do is the wrong thing. The constant desire to please everyone, the need to make sure that everyone is happy and I have not said anything or done anything to upset anyone before my day can end is excruciatingly painful, but no one wants to see that Bec, so I listen to the  "That's not Bec " voice and I put on my mask and pretend everything is fine. I do things that drain me, I'm exhausted and unhappy? But is that not life? Is it not supposed to be like this? I've had a wake-up call, it shouldn't always feel this dark, and my "happy" should be more than okay, how did I get to the point that okay meant happy for me? Someone recently asked me to think of my

One my first day in my final year, a lecturer did "the introduce yourself to the class", but with a twist. We had to say our name, where we were from and something interesting about ourselves. "Something interesting, s***, I'm not interesting".  This is what inspired me to write this blog post because i've put being interesting into the "that's not Bec" box and I wanna take her out so let games begin.   I'm afraid of a lot of things and I've a couple of phobias, sorry to all the people who have heard me scream in fear. Throughout my life, different people have tried to get me to overcome my fears( I will never forgive my neighbours for putting their feet in my face and their dog on my lap) but slowly I am beginning to overcome a lot of them, such as flying. I went on a trip to Rome by myself and it was one of the hardest but best things I've ever done. I've suffered from mental health and with this blog I'm ho