Real time talk

In the last few weeks(months) I've really been trying to improve my mental health ( with thanks to professional help too) and I won't lie, in the beginning, I honestly couldn't see how it could get better. This part of me weighed heavily on the mind, it was something I wanted to bury and never fully admit. I couldn't see how anything would help that but I knew I needed to try something different compared to the first time. Over the last number of weeks (months even), I have tried my best to give myself the acceptance and love that I needed and craved, I have tried hard to be nicer to myself. 

My mind has switched (maybe not fully but we are getting there) and instead of filling myself with the negatives, I'm trying to fill myself with the positives. Everyone is so quick to judge and give opinions to each other so why is it so common for us to be so judgemental on ourselves? How often do we tell ourselves we look fat or we look sick? How often do we wince when the front-facing camera on our phones shows us an unflattering angle of ourselves or when we look in a mirror? How many times have we knocked our confidence and told ourselves we can't do something before we even begin? Maybe it is just me that spoke like this to myself (still do at times) but I've had enough. Living with negativity 24/7 is hard, and the hardest part was being certain that I wasn't negative. I assumed I was a person who had a realistic view (even when people would try to show me how it was negative), to me this wasn't negative it was realistic but boy was I wrong. Everything I said to myself was negative to the point where all I saw were the negatives, I genuinely couldn't accept a compliment because the person was lying to me or so that is what I believed.

I don't want to live like that anymore, the people, the universe, the world at any moment can knock you down so why on earth am I doing that to myself? Now I'm trying a new approach of building myself up, accepting myself and doing my best to be genuine, honest and true to myself while also sharing it all and if people don't accept things or the universe has different plans for me then that is okay because I will be building myself up through all those hard times instead of pulling myself down further.

So here's to building myself up, loving and accepting myself for all my stupid mistakes ( past, present & future), all my quirks, the good bits and the not so good. Heres to finally feeling okay to say this is me and not be ashamed or worried about others' reactions. 

Until next time, 

That's not Bec,

XO.