Anxiety

I have anxiety, and for so long I didn't even realise that is what it was. I had felt like this for as long as I could remember, I assumed everyone felt like this. I assumed it was normal to always feel like this, but thankfully through receiving help and having the right support in place I am beginning to learn it doesn't have to feel like this all the time. 

This blog post is dedicated to everything anxiety makes me feel. If you resonate with some of these please consider going to speak to your GP and seek support. 

Anxiety for me is:

Sweating excessively( hot, cold, it don't matter)

Shaking uncontrollable

Increased heart rate and chest pains and breathing heavily

Stomach pains 

Undereating or overeating, it's usually one extreme or the other

It's feeling uneasy/anxious/ sick because I have to go somewhere new or busy. 

It's waiting to sit in corners or behind people so I won't be 'exposed'

People are laughing and talking and I excessively think that it was about me and how much they dislike me, and it doesn't matter who the person is, best friend, family etc. 

It's pulling and biting my nails and the skin around my nails when I'm anxious

It's not wanting to leave my bed on the bad days, it's wanting to hide under my covers, it's getting these massive urges to just run away from everything

It's wanting to cancel plans because when I made them I felt okay

It's making yourself think that no one likes you

It's needing constant reassurance that people love me

It's having random panic attacks

It's not being able to sleep

It's being classified as "moody" when I'm anxious

It's being classified as "bossy" or "difficult" because I want to do things "my way" but that's really because I can't cope with changes in plans

I need everything to be organised, any plans, dates, anything. I need lists and I need to know every last detail of a plan.

It's feeling weak and tired

It's having dizzy spells when you're really anxious and you can't see anything

It's overthinking everything, every conversation I have had. It's thinking back over everything and picking out what I did wrong.

It's having a lump in my throat

It's not being able to accept criticism, confrontation or being shouted at. 

It's apologising all the time

It's struggling to be patient and wait for something. 

It's having flashbacks for really traumatic events 

It's having chills and shaking, to sweating and being roasting. 

It's having muscle aches and pains so often.

Thank you for reading a blog post that is very close to my heart. I used to be so afraid to show myself, but I am trying to reduce the stigma that I have around my mental health.

Until next time my lovelies, 

That's not Bec,

XO.