Let's have an uncomfortable conversation

For so long I've felt like I needed to hide a part of me. There has been a side of me that I didn't want to show because I used to think it would make me weak. I feared how people would perceive me if they discovered this information. I was ashamed to admit it because then I was telling everyone I was weak but I wasn't, being this vulnerable has actually taken a lot of strength. 

I know people's opinions of me will change or be altered after they read this but I want to say that the Bec who began writing this is the same Bec who ends it, you've just found out new information about me. 

For years I've felt like I've had to hide, keep a part of me buried and honestly it's been exhausting and I no longer want to do that. 

I am Bec.

I am 24.

I have two sisters.

I've been with my favourite human for 5 years. 

I have a dog.

I used to engage in self-harming behaviour to cope.

I used to binge eat and then purge.

I still sometimes restrict my food but I am overcoming it slowly.

I am on anti-depressants. 

I am in therapy.

I have anxiety.

I had depression and in 2020 I was classified as relapsing. 

I was physically abused during my childhood.

Speaking up isn't easy and it takes a lot of courage but it can only happen when you are ready. I used to be so proud of individuals who spoke up but my mind convinced me I couldn't. My mind had convinced me that if I spoke out my workplace, my college, my friends and peers would think less of me, or think that I'm less able or capable but having these struggles doesn't make me any less of a human. I'm still Bec, I've just had struggles but who hasn't? everyone has struggled or is struggling in some way, even if you think they aren't. I was great at hiding it, I was a master at faking that everything was okay but that's exhausting because everything wasn't fine. Always be kind.

Until next time, 

That's not Bec, 

XO.