That's not Bec

I've tried to write about what's going on in the world, but I don't know where to begin. I don't know what to say and every time I try, I get angry and upset because this is not how the world should be. Disclaimer: I refer to individuals by using the terms "white people" & "black people". I don't mean to offend anyone by using these terms, I only did it for this article, to me, people are people no matter the skin colour. Two babies born at the same time, in the same hospital just rooms apart should have the same fighting chance but they don't and why? Because one has a privilege they didn't even ask for and one has to learn that because of there skin colour they are going to face so many more hardships.  I've seen white people comment that "white privilege" is not a thing but it is. White privilege allows us not to think about our colour and the benefits we get from simply being white. We get to educate ourselves

"That's not Bec"  the voice inside of me screamed, and I retreated back, talked myself back down,  "that's not the Bec everyone knows and wants",  so I ignore the real Bec in fear of being judged, perplexed by the constant feeling that anything I say or do is the wrong thing. The constant desire to please everyone, the need to make sure that everyone is happy and I have not said anything or done anything to upset anyone before my day can end is excruciatingly painful, but no one wants to see that Bec, so I listen to the  "That's not Bec " voice and I put on my mask and pretend everything is fine. I do things that drain me, I'm exhausted and unhappy? But is that not life? Is it not supposed to be like this? I've had a wake-up call, it shouldn't always feel this dark, and my "happy" should be more than okay, how did I get to the point that okay meant happy for me? Someone recently asked me to think of my

One my first day in my final year, a lecturer did "the introduce yourself to the class", but with a twist. We had to say our name, where we were from and something interesting about ourselves. "Something interesting, s***, I'm not interesting".  This is what inspired me to write this blog post because i've put being interesting into the "that's not Bec" box and I wanna take her out so let games begin.   I'm afraid of a lot of things and I've a couple of phobias, sorry to all the people who have heard me scream in fear. Throughout my life, different people have tried to get me to overcome my fears( I will never forgive my neighbours for putting their feet in my face and their dog on my lap) but slowly I am beginning to overcome a lot of them, such as flying. I went on a trip to Rome by myself and it was one of the hardest but best things I've ever done. I've suffered from mental health and with this blog I'm ho

We all have different experiences of love, different people that we love. Is love something that can be broken? If you love someone, where does the love go when you break up? When I was a teenage girl, I remember having a boyfriend and I was convinced I loved him but did I love him or did I love how he made me feel? At times in my life, I have been insecure enough that I have needed the love of someone else and when they left I was traumatised and inconsolable, thinking that I no longer deserved love and many other negative things. I realised that I was looking for happiness, love and acceptance from other people, instead of looking for it within myself.  I would never have loved myself, I would never have been able to think of something good about myself or anything interesting I could do. I would have just kept myself in a little box, too afraid to show the real me in fear that someone would stand up and say no that's not Bec and I don't love you like this.